Monday, February 22, 2010

Miranda & Me

Hi Miranda

Your man-fan MOTH here. Happened to notice you were launching your new organic skincare range KORA in DJ's last week. I presume this is predominantly for the female market. Now look Miranda, I'd like to become your new global Business Advisor & should start by pointing out to you that there are approximately as many males as females out there. Let me tell you that most of us blokes reckon you're just red hot & you could cool us down by launching the M.K. Beer Collection!!! So ditch the skin stuff & get your stunning self into malt & hops. For you NOT to do this would be grossly un-Australian for a great Aussie chick like yourself!

Miranda, I've been giving this new direction for your/our business empire much thought while slaving away this weekend in the Bathroom-From-Hell reno. I've found the perfect way you can avoid financial ruin in that over-crowded skincare s*#t fight. BEER IS THE ANSWER! No bloke could knock back a cold ale after a hard day at the coalface that's marketed with the slogan :

'HAVE A MIRANDA ON THE VERANDA'

Of course, if you were pictured in your Victoria's Secret gear on the bottle label this would be a financial advantage to all parties concerned (including your Business Advisor, yours truly). You could also include samples of the skincare range in each beer carton to keep everyone's Missus happy & this would result in more beer sales & help run out the KORA stock!! A truly masterful stroke of marketing genius if I don't say so myself.

I'll close now because Millie's due back any minute from her Advanced Mindreading class & I need to lodge this proposal for your urgent consideration. I am contacting my corporate legal team to prepare the paperwork for our partnership & the plans for the M.K. Brewery are ready for submission to the local Authorities just as soon as you give me the nod love. Please keep my proposal confidential for at least 7 days before consulting your legal team, Orlando & firing your current Business Advisor. During which time we can meet over a few different beer styles (sorry, no Noni juice adaptation) & arrive at the perfect M.K. beer formula to quench the thirsts of millions.

Please call me any time on 1800-HAVEIGOTADEALFORU (My Millie-proof phone).
Love MOTH.

P.S. What about incorporating a Victoria's Secret store in the Brewery retail complex? Another of my brilliant ideas - geez I'm good!

Image: KORA

10 comments:

  1. Dear MOTH,
    Mr. Home here once again.
    I can see that much time and effort has gone into this project and I'm sure that much research had to be done to have got this far with your proposals.I know, from experience, that you would have had to have sacrificed many evenings, sampling many different beers to find exactly the right brew for your upcoming business plan.
    Also, it was probably a must that you sat down with said beer's, well into the wee small hours, and had to watch many, many Victoria's Secret programmes and plough through as many Victoria's Secret publications that you could get your hands on !!
    I would like to virtually shake your hand on a brilliant idea and a fine piece of work.... you must have had to sacrifice many hours and neglect your dear wife, Millie, on this business proposal for Miranda and I am absolutely sure that she cannot fail to be impressed, and, it's only a matter of time before she gets in touch with you.
    If you are thinking of going global, which I'm sure you are, I was hoping that there might be an opening for a researcher over here in the U.K. I would very much like to send my CV for you to peruse.
    As you well know, I am very familiar with Miranda, and have a great knowledge of her body of work !!
    Wishing you every success with your endeavors and I hope that I can become a member of the team.
    In anticipation,
    Mr. Home.

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  2. overthehillbutgreatviewFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:11 AM

    Millie, Moth you have just brightened my day.....what a crack up!! xD

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  3. Great Idea MOTH! I'd be keen to assist in taking this business venture further by keeping the female market happy with a 'Johnny Depp on the Front Step'... thoughts?

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  4. Sitting here smiling on my cozy couch as I read this post. :D

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  5. Oh hilarious!!!!! My husband needs to read this!

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  6. You are an ideas man, MOTH. No doubt about it. "Have a Miranda on the Veranda"....pure marketing genius. A nice touch to think about us girls with the skin care bonus...you just think of everything don't you?

    However, I'm so glad you have an alternate work/life strategy in place, because when Millie finds out you've hijacked her blog and how....well, lets just say that if I were you, I'd be finishing that bathroom quick smart. Meredy xo.

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  7. Dear MOTH

    Your devotion and future plans for the very beautiful Miranda are all very well but I must question your loyalty! Where does this leave the lovely Justine - we were lead to believe you were her number one fan but from what I can read here it would appear that you dropped her in favour of MK. This characteristic trait does not augur well for a long term venture and I would have thought requires a somewhat higher level of commitment. Who will turn your head next week? Signed "A Concerned Future Investor"

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  8. Well Moth even with one eye I'd say this is a brillant proposal. Team up with Johnny Depp on the front step and I'm sure you'll go a long way.I've got a feeling you may not stay married so your GUNNER need all the CASH you can get when Millie takes you to the CLEANERS.
    Kind Regards
    Karen
    PS: Not even a finished bathroom is going to save YOU.

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  9. Oh Millie, just when I thought it safe to turn off the computer and go to bed, I read this. How funny is that MOTH. Thought I saw him hovering in DJ's last week on his business advisors trip to Sydney! One of his better ideas Brunnel thinks!Think I'll go back to the cottage gardening post now!

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And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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