I don't reckon there would be one Hedgie in the whole wide world who would register surprise if told that MOTH has the oldest mobile/cell phone in existence. Now I'm not saying that it's the original device.....oh no, no, no. He's lost his phone too many times to list - at the Adelaide Council Garden Refuse Tip, in a shopping centre car-park, in a client's garden, on a plane, in the Indian Ocean off Broome.....the list goes on & on ad nauseum. And each time it's a huge drama ços he never backs up his Contacts to his SIM card & the whole lots gone. And each time, he replaces it with EXACTLY the same model as the one he's lost. For those of you who are brave enough to follow The Hedge on Twitter, you will know that we had yet another phone drama a couple of weeks ago.
I stumbled in from work one evening to find MOTH screaming down the landline phone.
'I've lost my phone, how many times do I have to tell you, what are youse gunna do about it! Just cancel my old number so some dodgy crim can't run up thousands of bucks of calls on my phone when they find it.' Ed Note: No self-respecting criminal would be seen dead with your grotty filthy old rubber Tradie's phone mate with no internet access or touch screen.
'Mills, I tell you I only took Lulu for a walk, got home & my phone's gone. It must have fallen out of my pocket, so it's somewhere between here & the Bottle Shop.'
'No need to be sarcastic Millie , Lulu needed a walk & the pub just happened to on my well-planned route. So throw us ya keys will ya, I'll have to take your car & go looking. Make sure my dinner's cooked by the time I get back will youse.'
......1 hour later 'MOTH here again Telstra, I've searched high & low all over Stirling in the dark & I still can't find my phone so I need a new one, I'm a successful businessman & need one pronto to conduct urgent negotiations with my clients. And I don't want one of them fancy jobs, just send me the same model I've had for 10 years.'
'What..... they've been discontinued? Bloody hell you mob are hopeless, put me onto the Manager.'
'Well that's it Mills, my life's over, all they'll give me is one of those wanky jobs like youse & the kids have. I don't want access to the internet or my emails or a camera or a video....I just want to make a phone call.'
Óh #@**!! Mills, I just happened to put my hand in the other pocket of my hoodie & guess what I just found. No need to roll all over the sitting room floor laughing, its NOT funny. I never put my phone in that pocket, you must have done it. I'll have to make a million calls back to Telstra, get them to give me my number back & all that stuff, bloody hell.'
So things went back to 'normal' after that 'til last night. I knew something was up as he'd been scratching around in the recycle bin for ages & voila, he wandered back the sofa. Then complete with some junk mail on mobile phones that Telstra had shoved in the 'Tiser this week in his hot little hand, I heard something I'd never, ever expected.
'You know Mills, I've been thinking, since all that drama with my phone last week, maybe, just maybe, its time for me to have one of them Smart phone jobs.'
Telstra you've been warned. It's the weekend dear Hedgies, so go enjoy!