Friday, August 10, 2012

It's 2012 MOTH!

I don't reckon there would be one Hedgie in the whole wide world who would register surprise if told that MOTH has the oldest mobile/cell phone in existence. Now I'm not saying that it's the original device.....oh no, no, no. He's lost his phone too many times to list - at the Adelaide Council Garden Refuse Tip, in a shopping centre car-park, in a client's garden, on a plane, in the Indian Ocean off Broome.....the list goes on & on ad nauseum. And each time it's a huge drama ços he never backs up his Contacts to his SIM card & the whole lots gone. And each time, he replaces it with EXACTLY the same model as the one he's lost. For those of you who are brave enough to follow The Hedge on Twitter, you will know that we had yet another phone drama a couple of weeks ago.

I stumbled in from work one evening to find MOTH screaming down the landline phone.

'I've lost my phone, how many times do I have to tell you, what are youse gunna do about it! Just cancel my old number so some dodgy crim can't run up thousands of bucks of calls on my phone when they find it.' Ed Note: No self-respecting criminal would be seen dead with your grotty filthy old rubber Tradie's phone mate with no internet access or touch screen.

'Mills, I tell you I only took Lulu for a walk, got home & my phone's gone. It must have fallen out of my pocket, so it's somewhere between here & the Bottle Shop.'

'No need to be sarcastic Millie , Lulu needed a walk & the pub just happened to on my well-planned route. So throw us ya keys will ya, I'll have to take your car & go looking. Make sure my dinner's cooked by the time I get back will youse.'

......1 hour later 'MOTH here again Telstra, I've searched high & low all over Stirling in the dark & I still can't find my phone so I need a new one, I'm a successful businessman & need one pronto to conduct urgent negotiations with my clients. And I don't want one of them fancy jobs, just send me the same model I've had for 10 years.'

'What..... they've been discontinued? Bloody hell you mob are hopeless, put me onto the Manager.'

'Well that's it Mills, my life's over, all they'll give me is one of those wanky jobs like youse & the kids have. I don't want access to the internet or my emails or a camera or a video....I just want to make a phone call.'

Óh #@**!! Mills, I just happened to put my hand in the other pocket of my hoodie & guess what I just found. No need to roll all over the sitting room floor laughing, its NOT funny. I never put my phone in that pocket, you must have done it.  I'll have to make a million calls back to Telstra, get them to give me my number back & all that stuff, bloody hell.'

So things went back to 'normal' after that 'til last night. I knew something was up as he'd been scratching around in the recycle bin for ages & voila, he wandered back the sofa. Then complete with some junk mail on mobile phones that Telstra had shoved in the 'Tiser this week in his hot little hand, I heard something I'd never, ever expected.

'You know Mills, I've been thinking, since all that drama with my phone last week, maybe, just maybe, its time for me to have one of them Smart phone jobs.'

Telstra you've been warned.  It's the weekend dear Hedgies, so go enjoy!


  1. Millie, MONT has a Sonim phone because he wanted something sturdy and virtually indestructible because he was always crushing or cracking his regular ones...the Sonim it's good for making phone calls...and that's about it.
    Have a great weekend you two

  2. ROFL Love the whole story. If I worked for Telstra I'd be worried!!!

  3. Excuse me Millie.....MOTH let me know which one you decide on and what you think of it please as my 8 year old phone needs desperately to be updated and I can't decide! Thank you....Sorry Millie just need Moth's advice here know you will understand!!!!

  4. But what if he loses the smart phone Millie? I'm worried. Think he should stick with the brick.

  5. Your MOTH stories are always hilarious! I hope he likes his new phone - make sure he gets one with a tracking device, so that if he loses it, he can hop online and see where he's lost it!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  6. So hilarious! This style reminds me of the old car phones from the early 1990s? Remember they were the weight of a brick, but we all thought they were SO amazing! My uncle had one. MOTH's eyes will light up when he gets a smart phone. Better get him on a plan that gives him lots of downloads... He'll be in that armchair for hours! xx

  7. i can only say......

    been there!

  8. HIlarious! Hope it happens around here! Our vendors tell us they only keep fax machines because of US!!

    I said tonight....."our old friend Bill looks fantastic! He was so happy to hear from me!"

    Husband said......"Where did you see him? How do you know?"

    Welcome to the internet! It has it's problems (as we all know!) However....what a wonderful thing to connect with a friend of 35 years ago; and trade pictures! He is a "Babe" at 70!!

    My husband is a "Babe" at 73!!!

    What to do? Let it evolve!

    meanwhile.......I am drowning in email....drowning....glub....glub.....glub...!

  9. Wow I love that quotation.......that is my husband's point!

    He wants the "postman's knock"

    What say all of you??


  10. Giggling in Hobart, Mills. I loved hearing the fine details of the drama over here. Oh, and I'm equally interested in what MOTH chooses as it's time I upgraded my old Nokia as well. J x

  11. Hi Millie.. oh.. the joys of our lives.. patience is needed when our men start going grey.. they don't hear.. they get stubborn.. I loved your story.. I can witness with it! My F has just gone iphone from b/berry.. aah, the joys of modern techno days.. Hows your gorgeous doing?.. hugs from Brissy.. at least the weather seems to have a spring in it! have a good week.. j

  12. Loved the story. A true Moth tale!!!


And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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