Monday, March 22, 2010

Measured And MOTHodical

My Public, my Public - thank you so much to all of you who expressed deep sympathy & understanding following Millie's post on my recent record-breaking Serum Lipid levels. I don't how the information has got to such levels in our local community, but I've received brochures from 5 different Funeral Directors, an Exclusion of Risk Notification from my Life Insurance company & an invitation from a group of Cardiologists to be their case study at the next World Cardiology Congress!

It is always good when dealing with an affliction to find a Dr. who has experienced a similar condition, & fortunately my Doc. has wrestled with Hyperlipidaemia. It was decided at consultation to take the highly scientific approach - NOTHING - as it's 99% genetic in my case & no ancestors or close living rellies have shuffled off due to clogged vessels. For example my Great Grandfather James at the age of 84, died 3 days after slipping on a banana skin, from complications of a fractured femur - true story! Anyway Millie says I have to survive at least another 25 years because at the current rate it's gonna take me that long to complete the reconstruction/renovation of this God forsaken project I've gotten into!

Speaking of are all probably wondering at what stage the Bathroom-From-Hell (BFH) is at - well so am I!!! I DON'T have any excuses (other than the fact that for the last 12 years, I've spent 6.5 days/week working on other people's houses!!), but I DO have reasons, largely due to advice from my good mate Moose - the Consultant Building Engineer.

  • The concrete in the reconstructed floor needed to cure for at least 12 months to ensure no cracking occurred in the outrageously expensive tiles chosen by Mills.

  • I had to ensure that any rebuilt walls had to remain perpendicular for a given time for similar reasons to the above.

  • Re the large, gaping hole in the wall for the new window - this is directly relating to the above points.

  • This Summer was stiflingly hot & OH&S clearly state that one shouldn't work above 20C. (68F.)! Clearly the best substance for cooling in these conditions is beer & I found that after a couple, work was not advisable.
The above legitimate reasons notwithstanding, Mills has been advised that work on the final stages of putting in a ceiling, window, applying those obscenely expensive tiles & the other budget-breaking fittings will be underway as of the Easter holidays. This is on the promise of what will happen if I don't - ooooh, ooouch! - Millie inflicts a mean 3rd degree Chinese burn as shown graphically below!!

Exhibit A (after it stopped smoking)

Good to post to you all, Millie is on the way home from her How To Treble Your Man's Home Renovation Output In Five Easy One-Hour Sessions class & I'd better look busy. Love & kisses from MOTH (Man-of-the-House). xx


  1. I'm glad you are feeling so chipper :)

  2. Millie,

    Would you really want to be married to anyone else?
    xxx Coty

  3. Oh MOTH, I sympathise with the traumas you have to endure in trying to finalise this bathroom renovation. My wife (aka Attila) was similarly unimpressed with my reasons for our bathroom re-do taking seven years, but these ladies obviously can't understand the intricacies of such a huge undertaking. When will they learn to leave us to doing what we do best?
    Your brother in arms,
    Kerri's slave.

  4. Case study at the next World Cardiology will be after Millie see's what you've done to her good lippy's...young man you are in so much trouble....look busy and fast!
    xxx & ooo

  5. Oh MOTH I go weak at the knees for a man who can spell hyperlipidaemia correctly! What else can you do when it is familial? Hmmm, the bathroom is another story... 12 months to cure?... I've looked that phenomenon up in my text books and can't seem to find it anywhere... ditto for the perpendicular walls and ditto for the beer consumption at any temp over 20 degrees. .... but I'll take your word for it... your 'BFH' would be an interesting case study for one of my assignments perhaps? A-M xx

  6. Well initially I was going to warn you about the dangers of doing renovations and DIY over Easter, my emergency room doctor friends tell me it is their busiest time of the year for hammer, drill, nail gun and ladder injuries.

    However it is very apparent from your succinct reasoning re expensive tiles, beer supplies, curing for 12 years (sorry 12 months) that you are certainly a real expert in these matters. It follows that a nail gun presents no dangers at all to you.

    I think Millie should defer to your superior knowledge and skill and stop with the bolshiness.

  7. Sounds like you are feeling a bit better! Yeah for that! Sounds like it is time to stop working on everyone else's place and focus on yours....including the beer, if it so requires! :)

  8. Some advice from a loyal reader - if you don't intend making good on your promise to finish the BFH renovation within the specified time, ensure that you have a one-way ticket booked to somewhere remote like South America and a cab on stand-by. Remember, hell hath no fury like a Millie without a completed bathroom. Leigh

  9. moth....

    excuses, excuses, excuses.

    ....but eventually it will be done- and this BFH will be made fabulous with your blood, sweat,tears, and millie's pricey tiles.

    xx mille, keep him!!

  10. Fabulous Post Moth
    And I can see now why you've had to postpone the BRH reno... I have to say... the 12 month thing almost had me going.. I'm sure Millie was on to it though.. I'd be taking Leigh's advice and booking that ticket standby in case you don't produce required goods over easter... thanks for keeping us all amused and you'd better see a dr about those burns... better take a sample of the lippy that bit you! xx Julie

  11. Keep it up Moth, you have a way to go before you catch up to Top...his bathroom reno is now into it's 4th year....The tiles are going up now so we might come in under 5 years

  12. Mmmm I agree with Dustjacket. You might need to hope that the World Cardiology conference is in some -out-of-harms-way place where none of Millie's blogger friends could possibly find you and dob you in. Have another beer and get back to it!

  13. Mr Home here, MOTH,
    Oh, it's a difficult job, being man of the house, isn't it ? Our responsibilities are never ending and, we have to hold down a full time job as well !! I actually think that you have done a blinding job so far, under the is very difficult with the threat of a lethal Chinese burn on the horizon.
    I am going to forward some leaflets to you on living with torture. I am a member and it has helped a little !!
    My consalation is that Spring and Summer are on the way and I can escape to the shed with a beer and that V.S. paperwork that we get so much from !!
    All the best, mate.

  14. OverthehillbutgreatviewMarch 22, 2010 at 8:23 PM

    MOTH -Millie you crack-up! Love this blog. Can I have the name of the chinese burn 2nd from left xD

  15. Well Moth what can I say you've said it all.
    Kind Regards
    PS From a once adoring fan speed it up or your at the bottom of the pile

  16. I read this bright and early this morning on my iphone and I am still smiling! MOTH and Millie make are a dynamite duo!
    Jeanne :)

  17. Dear Moth, You're just as delightful and witty as your beautiful wife! I loved all of your excuses for not finishing the BFH. My Hubby has experienced similar reasons for not always completing our house projects. For example, the photo of your beer bottle is a familiar sight...if you throw in several more bottles that is. And you poor thing, your third degree burns looked absolutely painful (although they were a good color on you) - I so hope that you've recovered!!!
    ; )

  18. You're so crazy, that's why we all love you. Heidi

  19. So glad to hear you're feeling better, hope the BFH turns out great!

  20. My husband has the "stare time" worked in to any scheduled home improvement after which he will undertake such improvement, followed up with a call to appropriate contractor to come and undo his screw up and complete said job at a huge price.
    I so love a couple who can laugh their way through a home improvement.
    Thanks for the update keep em coming.

  21. This was a delight to read! :)

  22. What a delightful duo! Just happened to read your post MOTH, and you are hilarious! Sounds like you and Millie are made for each other...Good luck with the remodel! (Can you not get a few of those strapping boys to help you out?)



  23. What a great couple you are!
    I know exactly what a work in progress is like ~ sounds like our place.
    Patience is such a great thing and just imagine when the new bathroom is all finished! you will not know yourselves.

    Happy week

  24. You two are most certainly a humorous blog duo. I think you may just be the first blogging husband & wife team?! I now go away with a new appreciation for the term, 'shuffling off', for the 'banana' and for the well needed amount of curing time for concrete. Who knew? Moth, it was a great pleasure.

    Cheers my dear Moth & Millie

  25. Chinese burns aka Millies lippy and that 12-months-to-cure excuse, really MOTH you are full of mischief. Great that you're obviously feeling like your usual self. Keep up the good work.

  26. Righto MOTH,

    I reckon what you really need to look out for then (apart from chinese burns) are banana skins. May you never topple!


And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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