I was tucked up by the fire on Friday night watching the footy on the telly, quietly minding my own business. Then out of nowhere with a look of very serious intent on his face, MOTH turned to me & announced 'Millie, I'm fed up with being a non-celebrity, I want to be famous for being famous......I want to be a CELEBRITY & by my 62nd birthday on Sept. 3rd!'
'I've done a bit of research Mills & according to that chick Raina Kelley at Newsweek, there's a few things I'll need to do & fast.'
- Act as if every second of my life is newsworthy - no detail is too small or too private to release to the media.
- Twitter (whatever that means).
- Have an affair with the ex-or current wife of a bloke more famous than me.
- Get arrested, although nothing too serious mind. However if I do screw up & commit something big, I'll need to get a recreational party drug habit real quick, so I can present mitigating circumstances & get a heap of publicity by Twittering (whatever that is) from my prison cell.
- Have at least 1 million friends on my Facebook (whatever that is) page.
- Add a Publicist, a Stylist, a Driver & a Plastic Surgeon to my entourage.
- Sleep around with as many beautiful & talented women as I can. (Better add a Pharmacist to the entourage)
- Never take off my sunnies - not even in a Nightclub.
- Go viral (whatever that means) & release a sex tape. That will get Perez Hilton's attention (whoever he is). Apparently if I'm not prepared to let millions of people watch me get down & dirty, then I'll always be just an anonymous Landscaper.
'I reckon there's a few other things I probably should do as well, so could you ask the Hedgies what else would help me on my road to fame & notoriety. I've got just under 6 weeks, so I need to get cracking.'
So over to you dear Hedgies, I get the feeling I haven't heard the last of this!!