Monday, July 26, 2010

I Wanna Be A Celebrity!

I was tucked up by the fire on Friday night watching the footy on the telly, quietly minding my own business. Then out of nowhere with a look of very serious intent on his face, MOTH turned to me & announced 'Millie, I'm fed up with being a non-celebrity, I want to be famous for being famous......I want to be a CELEBRITY & by my 62nd birthday on Sept. 3rd!'

'I've done a bit of research Mills & according to that chick Raina Kelley at Newsweek, there's a few things I'll need to do & fast.'

  • Act as if every second of my life is newsworthy - no detail is too small or too private to release to the media.

  • Twitter (whatever that means).

  • Have an affair with the ex-or current wife of a bloke more famous than me.

  • Get arrested, although nothing too serious mind. However if I do screw up & commit something big, I'll need to get a recreational party drug habit real quick, so I can present mitigating circumstances & get a heap of publicity by Twittering (whatever that is) from my prison cell.

  • Have at least 1 million friends on my Facebook (whatever that is) page.

  • Add a Publicist, a Stylist, a Driver & a Plastic Surgeon to my entourage.
  • Sleep around with as many beautiful & talented women as I can. (Better add a Pharmacist to the entourage)
  • Never take off my sunnies - not even in a Nightclub.

  • Go viral (whatever that means) & release a sex tape. That will get Perez Hilton's attention (whoever he is). Apparently if I'm not prepared to let millions of people watch me get down & dirty, then I'll always be just an anonymous Landscaper.

'I reckon there's a few other things I probably should do as well, so could you ask the Hedgies what else would help me on my road to fame & notoriety. I've got just under 6 weeks, so I need to get cracking.'

So over to you dear Hedgies, I get the feeling I haven't heard the last of this!!

Image: Factoidz



  1. I'll be the first one to comment here mate. Just finish that bloody bathroom & I promise you'll be elevated to celebrity status in the blink of an eye!!!
    M xx

  2. Crumbs, you seem to have all the bases covered except perhaps for writing a tell it all autobiography and a cookbook..perhaps MOTH could combine the two for extra punch! Then of course twitter every word (however you do that) for maximum annoyance value...I think that's part of being a celebrity as well :)

  3. there WILL need to be rumours of MOTHs death..spread by twitter and then a statement from his publicist.

    Also there needs to be an offensive vulgar and always in trouble relative. Who talks to the press.

    some kind of fashion malfucntion, in a public place.

    ...and a love child coming to light can be helpful.Preferbly with a nasty attention grabbing mother. With a last minute DNA showing it's not MOTHs (get the sympathy vote)
    good luck being the wife of such a person...
    Jane of Janezworld

  4. It's the wee small hours of the morning over here in London, England....and right now all I can think about is MOTH.....last night it was Patrick Dempsey (after catching up with my Greys boxset...)....please assure MOTH he is in excellent celebrity I helping??!!


  5. But he is famous! At least in blog circles. Isn't he a former male model, champion master rower with now not-so-record-breaking cholesterol levels? How famous does he want to be? Maybe I can stalk him...every good celebrity worth his salt needs a stalker. xx dearly devoted MOTH fan

  6. One small question for MOTH - does this sudden restlessness and desire for fame have anything to do with the fact that your favourite girl has just announced her engagement? Perhaps fame could be the answer to winning this beautiful creature .... (don't worry Orlando I think you're safe!) Leigh

  7. Mr. Home here MOTH,
    I'm a couple of years older than you and feel that I would also like some celebrity status to come my way before I'm completely past it !!!!
    I have decided that our role model should be one of your fellow countrymen....MR. MEL GIBSON !!!! He seems to be getting himself some bloody good publicity at the moment and in the last few years. His recipe for success seems to be, go out to a local bar, get drunk, flrt with some girls who are half your age and then shout abuse at the copper who stops you for driving under the influence. Make a few more million from some religious films, leave long-standing wife for woman half your age, have baby with her then break up with her and shout abuse (really BAD abuse) at her over the phone, hope she records it and have it played on radio and TV. Mel is good....very good at getting himself noticed.
    If you think of any other good ideas, please let me know.
    Best of luck and, please remember me when you are famous !!

  8. Oh for goodness sake, he's MOTH. What more does he want. Adored by thousands the world over. If I were him, I'd be saying "George Clooney, eat your heart out."

  9. i'm loving the research & the detailed list! why not, it can happen. would a reality tv show help?
    goodluck & let us know what happens.

  10. Mills? Why haven't you told him? You can't keep him in the bathroom forever! Maybe it's better that he doesn't know everything there is to know about his celebrity status. Shhhhh.

  11. Ok,I'm here to get an autograph. I believe there's a celeb amongst us...Oh I can't believe I blog with someone who knows someone that's almost famous....I'm star struck!!!!!

  12. Just video MOTH in action working on the bathroom reno with your kind-self in the background offering words of cough*encouragment and motivation*cough. Then post said video on youtube (whatever that is). Overnight celeb I tell you!

  13. You are a Celebrity and have a following of many, look at all the comments all your fans have left you.
    Maybe an autobiography or a Reality TV show - you could do a Handyman show or Life at The Laurel Hedge.
    Good luck with the celebrity Status!
    and please remember us when you are famous.


  14. I asked my husband for any comments on this as he is the one who reads the gossip magazines..This is what he said:

    1.Get MOTH to stop wearing underwear and engineer a very public wardrobe malfunction (but only if this will enhance Moth's reputation).
    2. If for reasons of size 1 is not an option then start rumours that MOTH is a hermaphrodite (like Lady Ga Ga) or that MOTH was born a woman.

    Aren't boys rude!?!!


  15. Isn't the bathroom from hell a Grand Design? It must certainly be perfect reality/comedy television starring the two of you! I'd watch it!! Better ratings than Masterchef I bet.

  16. Too funny! That is so funny and Twitter, Facebook, 'going Viral'...I'm glad I'm not the only one on this planet that's totally out of the loop on all that.

    Growing up in LA, I use to see a lot of movie stars - mostly at the grocery store. And I'm sure that one thing you need to add to your list is to look like you've just rolled out of bed. Only if you're a male celebrity though...Women don't 'wear' bed head as glamorous as the men do apparently.


  17. MOTH.... you ARE famous, or is it "infamous"??!!! Millie can answer that;)!
    And, I'm with Millie (as I too have a handy, albeit sloooow husband;).... finish that bloody bathroom would you?!!!
    I'm going to say "bloody" all day- that was FUN!!



And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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