Friday, December 10, 2010

Trial By Shopping

Date: Dec. 10th 2010
To: David Jones Department Store, Rundle Mall, Adelaide
From: Millie
Subject: Brace Yourself!

MOTH the Grumpy Christmas Grinch (GCG) informed me @ 0730 this morning as he was running out the door to work, that he will be 'visiting' your store tonight around 1900. The purpose of his 'visit' will be short raids on the following Depts.: Lingerie, Cosmetics, Books & if the Retail Assistant from Electrical is still on Stress Leave from his last visit, then he'll be able to dash in there unrecognized. I have included his photo for easy identification. I would advise that during his time in the store, your security team keep a close, but discreet distance. From past years experience, your staff will be safe for the first 15 mins., but around the 20 min. mark, things will start to get ugly.

You will know that things have escalated by loud exclaims of ' Geez Millie, I've just about had enough of this & I've only bought one present.', 'It's HOW much - that's bloody daylight robbery!' & 'I know I bought that for him last year, but I don't give a toss, he'll get another one & be grateful for it.'

However, there will be one last statement that will warn the Security Guards to ready themselves for action, the GCG will complain at the top of his voice 'I'm hungry!'. Once his empty stomach starts to override everything else, it's over & out for another year. Last year your Security team escorted him out of the store in a gentle but firm manner. This year I already detect a much shorter fuse on the GCG, so stronger action may be needed. You have my permission to use whatever force is needed to get him back to the car & out of the CBD without further incident.

Merry Christmas.

Image: Hollywood Vulture



  1. Love it, sounds like my husband at all times of the year! He hates shopping so much he only buys new shoes when he's walking on more pavement than shoe leather...

  2. Could our husbands have been separated at birth?

  3. Good luck with that Millie. I'll keep an eye out on the new for MOTH.

  4. "Hilarious" again Millie, I look forward to hearing hoe the dear MOTH survives the experience!!

    Christine xo

  5. LOL! You are sooo cute and funny!

  6. Hi! We are her in AU! I will call this evening, hopefully after MOTH has eaten.

  7. That's great Rebecca! Might like to leave it until around 9p.m. Looking forward to seeing you both tomorrow - sorry about the awful weather here.
    M ^_^

  8. It sounds like MOTH should have gone into pre-Christmas training...I am worried Millie.....this trip to DJ's may have dire consequences for you and the boys...
    Good luck and may the GCC remain patient, steadfast in his quest and if all else fails escape without arrest! Happy weekend....xv

  9. You are so funny. Here is an acronym I came up with that helps me deal with my 2 men:T.H.P.S. which stands for Tired, Hungry, Poop, Sick. In your case we are going to have to add an extra S for Shopping. Let me know if I need to send funds to bail him out of jail before Christmas. Love ya, Heidi

  10. LOL :)
    I was thinking of your spring and thinking if I could hide somewhere in your country for 2-3 months :) to survive winter, which is goingto be had this year.... buuuuuuu

  11. Hi dear Mel...

    How's downunder? I guess your having a great summer, huh?

    With a lil bit of rain shower, makes your country bountiful.

    Just dropping by to say Hi, as I know I never visited you for awhile.

    And will, greet you in advance, if ever I miss you.. MOTH & your kiddos, a A happy Christmas & a bountiful New Year, from D´Nics,

    Hugs so much...

  12. Oh how I love MOTH stories. :)

  13. we do think alike.
    i tend to send pics with people when i send them on a pick-up mission.

    poor moth
    poor you

    but keep these stories coming....
    happy xmas XXXX

  14. I see nothing has changed about MOTH's attitude regarding Christmas shopping. Doesn't he normally shop at the hardware store? Maybe he's making a little progress this year. You should hire someone to follow him with a video camera.

  15. Hi Millie,

    Love your letter today ~ hope you get some beautiful gifts and it is not too tough for Moth out there shopping!

    Hugs and hope that you are having a lovely weekend

  16. Ah Millie, logistically difficult as it seems (as we are in different hemispheres), we should go shopping together. MOTH and Richard would be right at home with each other's grumpy company and we could actually have some fun!




And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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