MEMODate: Dec. 10th 2010
To: David Jones Department Store, Rundle Mall, Adelaide
Subject: Brace Yourself!
MOTH the Grumpy Christmas Grinch (GCG) informed me @ 0730 this morning as he was running out the door to work, that he will be 'visiting' your store tonight around 1900. The purpose of his 'visit' will be short raids on the following Depts.: Lingerie, Cosmetics, Books & if the Retail Assistant from Electrical is still on Stress Leave from his last visit, then he'll be able to dash in there unrecognized. I have included his photo for easy identification. I would advise that during his time in the store, your security team keep a close, but discreet distance. From past years experience, your staff will be safe for the first 15 mins., but around the 20 min. mark, things will start to get ugly.
You will know that things have escalated by loud exclaims of ' Geez Millie, I've just about had enough of this & I've only bought one present.', 'It's HOW much - that's bloody daylight robbery!' & 'I know I bought that for him last year, but I don't give a toss, he'll get another one & be grateful for it.'
However, there will be one last statement that will warn the Security Guards to ready themselves for action, the GCG will complain at the top of his voice 'I'm hungry!'. Once his empty stomach starts to override everything else, it's over & out for another year. Last year your Security team escorted him out of the store in a gentle but firm manner. This year I already detect a much shorter fuse on the GCG, so stronger action may be needed. You have my permission to use whatever force is needed to get him back to the car & out of the CBD without further incident.
Image: Hollywood Vulture