Some of you may have noticed I haven't been very talkative about my new job. Many of you have noticed that I haven't been my old self these past 5 months & thank you all for your concern via email. Hedgies are not known for their reticence in coming forward when they feel they need to know what's going on behind The Hedge. So emails the like of 'Spill the beans on the new job Mills!', 'What's happening at work', 'Have you quit?', etc haven't surprised me in the least.
I have been quiet because to be brutally honest, I've been miserable. I have stepped so far out of my comfort zone I feel like I'm in a different solar system. A whole new group of clients to form relationships with, a whole new specialty to come to grips with, a whole new product catalogue to get my head around, a whole new corporate culture to understand. At 55 I've had to study hard, cram for exams & not fail, the pressure has been immense. I thought those days were long gone & it's been incredibly tough. I miss my old life desperately, but I took on this new challenge because 1: I was pretty sure I could do it & 2: that if I didn't up my income to the current level, I'd still be project managing this uncompleted house renovation from my Nursing Home bed.
This week I turned the corner partways. I have had a win, a considerable win & it feels good. I had become so bound up in not knowing all the other stuff that I forgot one important thing. The one thing I don't have to form, come to grips with, get my head around, understand etc. is the one thing I can do & that's make the sale. So when it happened, it was like welcoming home a treasured old friend. I don't think my confidence ever left me, but it got taken hostage by all those other unfamiliar things.
I'm still not sure what I'll do in the long term. I feel sad that 21 years of expertise in the field I adore with all my being has gone into cold storage. Given the opportunity I'd return to it in a heartbeat. But I've made a commitment to give this my best, so that's where I'm at. Things could be worse & I'm grateful that I can still experience the fun & excitement of a win. And as MOTH so frequently reminds me 'Geez Mills, you're bloody lucky you've still got a job at your age!!!' It's the weekend,so go enjoy it!
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