Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Hedge's Guest Blogger

G'day MOTH (Man-Of-The-House) here. While Millie's off telling the Drs. how to hone their diagnostic skills re her mystery malady, she's asked me to step into her Manolos for today & take over her chair at The Hedge. She's left some questions for me & also some from her Hedgies, so here goes:

I live in.....
Eternal optimism of me living long enough to finish the renovations of this flicking house! An anagram of our property's name is 'Ulcervain' or 'Draculavein' (which alludes to the size of the mozzies that fly around here at night!)

My favourite room in the house is.....
The kitchen - the origin of food! I offer to help with cooking, but do remind Millie that too many cooks can damage the I get to go & watch the footy on TV. (Excellent ruse eh!)

My style is.....
Wot style?? I just lift heavy things around here!

My most treasured possession is.....
My Melbourne Football Club scarf.
I would love to have.....
A holiday retreat on Bora Bora.

Who are John Saladino, Joe Nye & Thom Filicia.....(this will test you Mr. Expert!)
I'm pretty sure they're on the extended rookie list for my favourite footy team the Melbourne Demons.......GO DEE'S!!!

As a child my Mother told me.....
'DON'T DO THAT!' & ' Yes, Superman may be able to fly but you can't until you're at least 25!!' (As I lay winded & sore on the lawn next to the garden shed.)

My dream house would be.....
Anything newly built or completely renovated.

I have a fear of.....
Hammers, nails, circular saws, power drills, concrete mixers, ladders, etc. etc.

When I look in the mirror I think.....
That bitch the ageing fairy has attacked me again!

My favourite piece of furniture is.....
The couch.

The person I admire most is.....
Being perfect, this a no answer question.

My family says I am.....
a. Corrupt. b. Bad-tempered. c. A clumsy old-fart. d. Benevolent, kind, well-meaning - but falls short.

My biggest regret is.....
Missing out on State Representation in Rowing (a long time ago when boats weren't plastic!)

Who are Brunschwig and Fils, Fortuny and Colefax & Porter.....
Brunschwig & Fils - don't they brew really good Belgian beer?? And Fortuny and Colefax & Porter are their Australian Distributors, aren't they????

Could you share a few tips on how to successfully combine style with practicality & functionality.....
Move the Liebherr refrigerator closer to the Tord Boontje chair in front of the Bang & Olufsen plasma TV - then you won't have to miss any of the game to get a beer.


+ this

+ this

= this.

What inspires you & where do you go to find that inspiration.....
Beer & red wine. The Stirling Pub.

From Heidi:

I would love to pick MOTH's brains about what he would hang over the fireplace.....
My rowing medals (in chronological order), my beer can collection suspended from the ceiling (they would make an awesome tinkling noise when the heat from the fire sets them in motion!) & the 20kg. stuffed Conger Eel that I caught 35 years ago at the head of the Yarra River.
Ed's. Note: I may be off my game, but it would be over my dead body before this little mantlescape comes into being!!! Don't encourage him any more thanks Heides!

From Joan:

How does your style differ from Millie's?
Refer to Q. 3.

What is you favourite/least favourite type of remodel job to (i.e. painting, plumbing etc.)
Joan, I break out in a potentially terminal neuro-dermatitis when the 'P' word - painting is mentioned. 'Mill, Mill..... run the Hydrocortisone bath straight away!!!' Millie in reply 'I would if the #?!!#?! bathroom was finished!!'

When remodelling opinions 'vary', how do you & Millie resolve the difference of opinion? (Is there discussion, does M's. vote trump?!)
Refer to Q. 3 thanks Joan.

What is your one favourite change that you have made to the house?
Refer to Q. on moving the fridge into the Sitting Room.

From Meredith:

Why is it that most men can usually do the most amazing & complex tasks when tools & renovating are involved, but putting together an IKEA flat pack will leave them hyperventilating?
The IKEA instructions are ALWAYS wrong Meredith! And there's always 2 less screws than there's supposed to be. Our Chinese-made BBQ below (not IKEA) made for 'easy home assembly' was a fine example, I had to pull out all manner of magic words to make it fit together as the Manufacturer promised. It was a marathon assembly more befitting to the Acme brand do-it-yourself Oil Tanker which could have been assembled in half the time!

From Debra:

Will you work for fabulous meals and great wine? I could use a little help here!
Thank you Debra for your kind offer - just send the wine, that will be OK.... oh, have I misunderstood? Do you mean 'chez vous' in Maine? Is the air-fare included?

From Karen:

I would like to ask what is your biggest challenge with this house?

  • All the #@??!!# walls (internal & external) are masonry which means again a test of my magic word vocabulary, skinned knuckles, dust in the lungs & quadruple the time to do the most basic things. Sometimes I feel like Fred Flintstone at the Quarry.
  • The early 70's architecture is always a challenge to elevate to 21st century feel. Occasionally I phone for a bulldozer quotation to demolish the whole #@??!!# lot!

  • I am seriously considering a book on the subject at this stage, but the language may not be suitable for general reading.

What are the major differences between this house and the last?

About a century! The previous house was a typical South Australian Victorian era sandstone villa with massive foundations which unfortunately, with the type of Bay of Biscay soil (very plastic) did not prevent a lot of cracking in walls. We don't have that problem with the current house..... although I believe we live fairly close to some major fault lines!!

What drives you, is it Millie ?

Actually it's her list, which is up-dated almost hourly with an explanation required if any task has run over time. Send me back to the SAS, it was lot easier!

From Cathleen:

Who's idea is the remodeling?

Refer to Q3.

Who makes the final decisions?

The Minister for War & Finance always has the last say!

What are your favorite colors?

Not sure - I'm colour blind Cathleen. There is so much debate about hues & shades in our house I can never win on this one or come to think of it, not much else either!

Can you really do everything?

Being reasonably optimistic of my abilities, I will attempt most things except plumbing, electrics & anything else which results in possible maiming or worse still death to myself or any interested visitors. I always give one hour's notice prior to demolition of any part of the house using plastic explosives.

Isn't Millie the greatest!!!!
Errrrrr, yes ........heap flowers & accolades upon her I say, she's a delightful woman. She feeds me well, giving me the energy to continue on this monumental challenge, which is our house. (You can put the gun down now Millie!)

Images:1,2,3,9,11,12,13,21,22 Millie Image:4 Melbourne FC Image:5 Rates to Go Image:6 ABC Image:7 Caped Wonder Image:8 Tree Hugger Image:10 ebay Image:14 Rowing History Image:15 Po-Ferries Image:16 Infolink Image:17 Fritz Hansen Image:18 Itechnews Image:19 Home Brew Tips Image:20 Visit Adelaide Hills


  1. Funny, funny, funny people you are. I can't wait to be your neighbors one day. MOTH and my Jason speak the same language #!@!**#!%&!!! I don't let him remodel anymore, I decided to just work my ass off and pay someone else to do it for us. For the sake of our marriage. Heidi

  2. Dear Moth-
    Thanks for answering my questions! There must be constant laughter in your home as both you and Miss M. are both hoots! I hope you make a guest appearance more often! Very enjoyable & funny read!
    G'day to you too!!

  3. Dear MOTH, excellent guest post! My husband is a builder & has been working on our renovations for goodness knows how long. I am definitely going to get him to read this, just so he knows he's not alone. Lee :)

  4. Oh MOTH, you are hilarious. My husband is also an ex-rower and is every bit as tragic as you are about it. He rowed eights for Mosman and NSW and if he had less obligations (and a better back) he would still be found on the water every Saturday. It's a magnificent sport. Thanks for all your funny, funny answers. Hope Millie sets those doctors straight. Meredith.
    p.s. Do you think it was wise to call the ageing fairy a bitch?

  5. I haven't laughed so much for ages....could you two adopt me please (when the renovations are finished obviously!) Thanks for answering all those questions MOTH and for providing a great insight into just what a challenge these projects really are. Got to love Australian males hey....and this from a true Brit :)
    I know I am going to re-read your replies again today....thanks for taking the time....come back soon!
    You and Millie are the best,
    Simone :)

  6. What a great post. I am going to share it with my MOTH tonight.

  7. Oh my! I am still laughing at this great post. I just love the styling ideas for the fireplace. The Conger Eel sounds truly truly lovely! Thanks so much for the entertainment.My husband is itching to be a guest blogger now on my blog. See what you've started! Amanda

  8. You guys are hilarious. My favourite 'bit' was the terminal neuro-dermatitis. What will you do when the reno is finished!

  9. Thank you Moth for being a good sport and answering our questions I know it put a big smile on my face.
    Kind Regards
    Ps We have been serial renovators for about 5 years now its over were floundering a bit.

  10. I can not believe you both. This is the funniest thing I have read in ages. Thank you for visiting my dull, old blog. Yes, estate sale does have a refined sound but I like the terms Clearing... and Jumble sales...they are much more to the point. Happy Wednesday.

  11. Eternal optimism is the best! I loved this post - MOTH, I think you are fabulous. I laughed outloud immediately, because, well.. my screen is a little blurry (can't possibly be my eyes going out on me!) and I am not going to repeat what I thought was written instead of "flicking house" haha.

    I'm going to have Poor Tired Husband read this - he will feel an instant commraderie and not alone, knee-deep in our own house of projects.

    John Saladino in a footy uniform.... the image is burned forever in my brain now.

    Thanks for the great post! Love to Millie!
    xo Isa

  12. Thank you for a great read and laughs. I love your sense of humor.

  13. dee's fan here... dee's rule... they will own this season...

  14. Dear Moth and Millie,

    You must be the neatest people about.
    I love your sense of humour Moth.
    I liked your answer of leaving Millie to the kitchen and that old saying of ~ Too many cooks spoil the broth ~ you will just have to sit on the couch and watch the footie.

    Great post.



And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
~W.H. Auden

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