'Welcome to The Hedge, Mum speaking. You're wanting to book the Guest Suite for Christmas? I can give you the nights of Dec. 23 & 24 only, then you'd need to check out. No need to get snakey, it's our busiest time of the year. Yes darling, I know you're coming from interstate, but my only suggestion for the other 6 nights would be to contact our affiliated property, The Brothers Boutique Hotel down in the city run by your Brother's #4 & #5, they may have a spare room - good luck.'
'Welcome to The Hedge, Mum speaking. You've heard the Guest Bathroom will be completed by Christmas & you want to book the adjoining Guest Suite for 3 weeks instead of heading off to Asia back-packing. OK sweetie, I can only give you the nights of Dec. 25 & 26, & then you'll have to check out. But you can have the room again from Jan. 3rd. Look mate, I know you're driving all the way from Melbourne, but I don't appreciate being yelled at, try our affiliated property, The Brothers Boutique Hotel. But you'd better be quick as I've just told one of your other brothers to contact them pronto - good luck.'
'Welcome to The Hedge, Millie speaking. You're wanting to confirm your Christmas booking, just let me check. Yes, I have you in the Guest Suite from Dec. 27th to Jan. 2nd. There will be a small surcharge for that room, as I've had to decline 2 other bookings in favour of yours. But as you are my favourite Sister-In-Law, I'll throw in a few free meals to sweeten the deal. Yes, I'll try to make sure your brother MOTH The Christmas Grinch is over his Holiday Season grumpy funk before you arrive, but I can't promise anything.'
'Welcome to The Hedge, Mum speaking. You're wanting to book the Guest Suite from Dec. 24th to Dec. 30th, even after swearing back & blue last week you wouldn't be coming home this Christmas from Melbourne? You've got to be joking buddy! Brother #3 has got it for 2 nights, then Brother #2 has a confirmed booking & then your favourite Auntie from Melbourne & her new bloke are long-term guests until the New Year. No need to get abusive, yes you are Son #1 & yes we do love you, but you've left your run too late. Contact our affiliate, The Brothers Boutique Hotel, I hear they may have a spot on their sofa available - good luck.'
Pass the Christmas bookings spreadsheet Basil, this is truly doing my head in!!!