'Is that the Westpac Card Fraud Dept.? It's MOTH here, someone's scimmmed my Mastercard. I've just been down to the Hardware store to pick up a load of plasterboard & my Credit Card was declined.'
'Have you got any idea how embarrassing that was. I looked a real *#*?! in front of the blokes at Mitre 10. Yep of course there's enough funds in there you idiot. And no, I've made no transactions for $850.55, I've been robbed!'
'So what are you going to do about it - you & your bank are an absolute disgrace. In fact the whole banking system is a shambles & we are the poor suckers.You better watch it mate, one day soon there's going to be a revolution & we'll all going to take our money out of your dodgey bank!'
'OK so an hour later you're telling me the only thing for it is to cancel my card & Millie's card which is linked to mine. And you reckon it will take 15 days to get new ones issued. OK just do it.'
'Mills, I'll have to stop everything, go down to town, take the money out of the account in cash & go back & pay Greg at the Mitre 10 before he gets angsty. Bloody banks! Oh & you won't be able to use your card for a couple of weeks.'
'No need to get abusive here Mills, that's just the way it is & it's not my fault.'
11.30a.m. Monday morning
'Is that Westpac Card Fraud Dept.? Umm, it's MOTH here. Umm you know that complaint I made earlier this morning, well umm I need to cancel it. I was coming back from the Hardware store in my truck & I had umm a bit of a umm flash. Umm actually it was me who made that umm big transaction. I umm remembered I paid for a whole lot of building stuff on Friday. Umm, sorry, I umm don't know how that slipped my mind.'
'So the Customer Service person I spoke to has had to be carried from the building in the foetal position & has gone out on indefinite stress leave. Umm sorry about that.'
'And it's too late, you can't uncancel the card stop. So that means umm I have to tell Mills that her card stop still stands. Right then, you wouldn't have the phone number handy for the Men's Shelter would ya mate?'
I've said it before & I'll say it again - while MOTH lives & breathes, The Hedge will always have posting material!